Nov 16

You are not my friends.

Friends don’t treat other friends the way you did.

I thought I made it apparent before but, I really don’t want you as a friend.

Stop contacting my family and my boyfriend.

I don’t care if you apologize or not. I don’t need friends who think its acceptable to shame me for wanting to hang out with someone else for two hours and stop me from introducing people by starting to cry like a child.

I don’t need friends who get upset about me wanting to take a walk by myself for an hour after spending 4 days with you.

And siding with her tantrum is just as bad. I did nothing wrong and I still had to apologize for doing nothing wrong.

This isn’t the first time something has happened like this and you know it.

If it was my fathers wedding or ignoring me for half a year because I dated someone and decided I didn’t like them.

If you didnt get it before, here it is now.

I REALLY don’t want to talk to you. We had nice memories and thats dandy but, after some maturing.. I realized that friends dont usually behave like that.

Friends are okay if you want to leave or hang out with someone else for an hour or two. Friends don’t take advantage of some friend with money or a car or guilt you for having those things.

I have new friends that don’t require any of that from me and I still have a good time.

Please, once again, leave me alone.

I’m done with feeling guilty for nothing or justifying your rude and childish behavior.

Good bye.

Oct 03

I’m sorry I’m such a useless bother.
I won’t annoy you anymore…

I can’t stop fuckin crying-
I just gotta remember who’s keeping me here…

Everything- and I do mean everything- is just awful and I can’t make it any better

I don’t have a job and I’ve been unemployed for almost 6 months.
I can’t go back to school because no one will help me pay for it and I have such anxieties when It comes to learning math that I literally get nauseous and start to cry due to abuse because I didn’t understand math as a child.
My family hates me because I don’t blindly agree with them anymore.
My friends hate me because I’m I don’t understand .. I’m not even sure what I don’t understand- and how little time I get to spend with them.
I can’t use my car too much because it’s hella old and could break down really easily.
I don’t have money and I’m in debt.
I don’t have an education.
I am tired of driving to interview after interview and applying and applying and having nothing to show for it.
I’m tired of THIS HOUSE.
I’m tired of having to pretend to like my dad and his wife just so they won’t kick me out.
I’m tired …
I’m so tired…
The only person who hangs around and calls and texts and visits me and asks is my boyfriend…
He’s the only one who cares and asks if I’m okay and how things are going. Without him…
I don’t know if I’d still be here..
But I feel like I’m putting too much pressure on him by telling him all this. Like I’m being a bad person because he is the only one I can talk to about all this stuff.
I just feel trapped and cornered and I don’t know what to do…
I cry at least once a day about how much I hate myself or how I’m stupid
…. I just want a job. That’s all I want.
So I can make money and get out and not have to rely on people who don’t care and people who ignore and disrespect me but pretend like they love me.

anywigwilldo: mulletwing: ga-lore: Do I look like a terrorist? :( Excuse you. That’s offensive as hell. Check yourself.  >Wrap scarf around neck like normal human being>Post on internet with LOL TERRURITS FUNNY HAW caption>???>Don’t profit because that’s a horrible thing to do and you should probably go sit in a corner and do some serious self reflection now. Someone needs to sit this girl down and educate her. Please.

anywigwilldo:

mulletwing:

ga-lore:

Do I look like a terrorist? :(

Excuse you. That’s offensive as hell. Check yourself. 

>Wrap scarf around neck like normal human being
>Post on internet with LOL TERRURITS FUNNY HAW caption
>???
>Don’t profit because that’s a horrible thing to do and you should probably go sit in a corner and do some serious self reflection now.

Someone needs to sit this girl down and educate her. Please.

(Source: milcolb)

From Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Oct 02

sainthannah: tw: rape and abuse hisdarlinggirl: Testing. 1,2,3.  Is this thing on? I was taking a break from writing a post about introducing D/s to a vanilla relationship when I came across this image. I sat and looked at it for a moment trying to sort out exactly what it evoked within me. Then I looked at the notes. At the time of this post 13,491. So, I clicked on the notes expecting that there would be outrage, someone crying foul, a bit of righteous indignation and the like. Nope. Like, after like. Reblog after reblog. I gave up after scrolling through four pages of notes and not finding even one comment saying “What the fuck is this?” I am not easily offended. I get off on the weirdest and kinkiest shit. I really don’t care what two consenting people do to each other, even when the squick factor makes me throw up in my mouth a bit. I’m all for expressing whatever you want to express, no matter how offensively stupid and thoughtless it is. However, this post has struck a nerve. And yes, I’ve talked about some of this before but it bears repeating to make a point. This week here in Melbourne, a young woman on her way home from the pub, walking a distance of less than 500 meters, disappeared from the street, only to be found a few days later buried in a shallow grave on a dirt road outside of the city. She had been raped and then murdered.  What could she have done to have kept her assault simply a rape instead of her murder as well? Did she fail to remain calm?  In 2008, after leaving my long term boyfriend and moving into my own apartment, I agreed to meet him one last time to talk. I made sure to be careful, as he’d been physically abusive in the past and I chose to meet him at a neutral location (a friend’s apartment). I knew better, but there were drugs involved, and at the time, I was in a bad place and risked common sense for a need. Bad choice? yes. Consent to horror? No. He brought a friend to ‘teach me a lesson.’ My boyfriend sat on the sofa, doing the drugs I thought we were going to share over conversation, while his friend beat me unmercifully and raped me.  I did not fight. I did not struggle. I choked on my own blood, tried to keep breathing, focused on surviving, looked into my ex-boyfriend’s eyes and plead for help. When M., the friend, was done with me, Colin took his turn.  He was high on coke and more violent than I’d ever seen him. I was barely conscious when the police kicked down the door. The two men went to jail, I was taken by ambulance to the hospital with a number of significant injuries.  Colin had the audacity to say aloud to me as the gurney was being taken from the apartment, “I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done here.” His message was perfectly clear, his going to jail, his doing what he and his friend had done to me was my fault. I was to blame.  I know that had a tactical team of cops with rifles and shotguns not broken down that door and stopped what was happening that my rape would have turned into a murder no matter how calm I had or hadn’t remained. Oh, but you’re overreacting you say. The t-shirt in the picture is meant as a joke. Fuck, you can’t take a joke?  Nah, I can take  joke. I can laugh at shit that is inappropriate, off color, at times I have a chuckle when I really really shouldn’t. I’m not really that much of a buzz kill. So why am I getting torqued over a stupid t-shirt that isn’t really supposed to literally be taken as about real rape, real murder? Well, who is to say that? Rape isn’t a joke. Murder even less so. There have been times when I think I would have been better served to have died on the living room floor of a friend’s apartment with my face bashed in and my ribs bashed, bleeding from the inside as well as outside. The baggage after surviving something like this is so very weighty. The end of the assault is just the beginning of whole other kind of fresh hell. I hadn’t even gotten to the place in my life at that time that would turn out to be the worst, most traumatic experience that would come my way. That came a year later after Colin had been dead at his own hand so that he wouldn’t have to go back to prison. Yeah, I know life sucks. Get over it. I’m not naive. What gets me about this post is the likes and reblogs. The number of them that appear to be women who are reblogging this. I am gobsmacked. It is sexist, sure, but I expect this from men. Not all men, but a fair number who have no earthly idea about the experience of abject fear and terror, of hanging on to every moment not knowing if it is soon to be your last. Of that secret hope that it would just end, be over with, that the murder would free you of your fear and your pain and the horror of what was happening. But women? I really don’t understand that in the least. Someone kindly explain what is ‘likeable’ about his image. Seriously. Please do. If anyone thinks that in addition to it being a woman’s responsibility to not get herself raped in the first place, that it is also her responsibility to not get herself murdered, well, here’s a thought for you - go fuck yourself. And no, I’m not going to sit down and shut up. No, I’m not going to lighten up. No, I won’t fucking take a joke. I will speak up for myself, the woman I was lying on the floor, half beaten to death before I was raped and beaten more afterward. I will speak up for the young woman in this god forsaken metropolis found in a shallow grave on the side of the road and for all the other myriad women who have prayed, begged, plead their way through a rape, hoping against all odds that it wouldn’t turn into a murder or possibly that they wished the murder would come quickly to save them from the awful reality of what they were enduring. 13,491 likes and reblogs. My faith in humanity is in question. Cher I am pretty sure I want to fucking vomit now but I feel like this is very, very important for people to see.

sainthannah:

tw: rape and abuse

hisdarlinggirl:

Testing. 1,2,3.  Is this thing on?

I was taking a break from writing a post about introducing D/s to a vanilla relationship when I came across this image. I sat and looked at it for a moment trying to sort out exactly what it evoked within me. Then I looked at the notes.

At the time of this post 13,491.

So, I clicked on the notes expecting that there would be outrage, someone crying foul, a bit of righteous indignation and the like. Nope. Like, after like. Reblog after reblog. I gave up after scrolling through four pages of notes and not finding even one comment saying “What the fuck is this?”

I am not easily offended. I get off on the weirdest and kinkiest shit. I really don’t care what two consenting people do to each other, even when the squick factor makes me throw up in my mouth a bit. I’m all for expressing whatever you want to express, no matter how offensively stupid and thoughtless it is.

However, this post has struck a nerve. And yes, I’ve talked about some of this before but it bears repeating to make a point.

This week here in Melbourne, a young woman on her way home from the pub, walking a distance of less than 500 meters, disappeared from the street, only to be found a few days later buried in a shallow grave on a dirt road outside of the city. She had been raped and then murdered. 

What could she have done to have kept her assault simply a rape instead of her murder as well? Did she fail to remain calm? 

In 2008, after leaving my long term boyfriend and moving into my own apartment, I agreed to meet him one last time to talk. I made sure to be careful, as he’d been physically abusive in the past and I chose to meet him at a neutral location (a friend’s apartment). I knew better, but there were drugs involved, and at the time, I was in a bad place and risked common sense for a need. Bad choice? yes. Consent to horror? No.

He brought a friend to ‘teach me a lesson.’ My boyfriend sat on the sofa, doing the drugs I thought we were going to share over conversation, while his friend beat me unmercifully and raped me.  I did not fight. I did not struggle. I choked on my own blood, tried to keep breathing, focused on surviving, looked into my ex-boyfriend’s eyes and plead for help.

When M., the friend, was done with me, Colin took his turn.  He was high on coke and more violent than I’d ever seen him. I was barely conscious when the police kicked down the door. The two men went to jail, I was taken by ambulance to the hospital with a number of significant injuries. 

Colin had the audacity to say aloud to me as the gurney was being taken from the apartment, “I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done here.”

His message was perfectly clear, his going to jail, his doing what he and his friend had done to me was my fault. I was to blame. 

I know that had a tactical team of cops with rifles and shotguns not broken down that door and stopped what was happening that my rape would have turned into a murder no matter how calm I had or hadn’t remained.

Oh, but you’re overreacting you say. The t-shirt in the picture is meant as a joke. Fuck, you can’t take a joke? 

Nah, I can take  joke. I can laugh at shit that is inappropriate, off color, at times I have a chuckle when I really really shouldn’t. I’m not really that much of a buzz kill.

So why am I getting torqued over a stupid t-shirt that isn’t really supposed to literally be taken as about real rape, real murder?

Well, who is to say that?

Rape isn’t a joke. Murder even less so. There have been times when I think I would have been better served to have died on the living room floor of a friend’s apartment with my face bashed in and my ribs bashed, bleeding from the inside as well as outside. The baggage after surviving something like this is so very weighty. The end of the assault is just the beginning of whole other kind of fresh hell.

I hadn’t even gotten to the place in my life at that time that would turn out to be the worst, most traumatic experience that would come my way. That came a year later after Colin had been dead at his own hand so that he wouldn’t have to go back to prison.

Yeah, I know life sucks. Get over it. I’m not naive.

What gets me about this post is the likes and reblogs. The number of them that appear to be women who are reblogging this. I am gobsmacked.

It is sexist, sure, but I expect this from men. Not all men, but a fair number who have no earthly idea about the experience of abject fear and terror, of hanging on to every moment not knowing if it is soon to be your last. Of that secret hope that it would just end, be over with, that the murder would free you of your fear and your pain and the horror of what was happening.

But women? I really don’t understand that in the least. Someone kindly explain what is ‘likeable’ about his image. Seriously. Please do.

If anyone thinks that in addition to it being a woman’s responsibility to not get herself raped in the first place, that it is also her responsibility to not get herself murdered, well, here’s a thought for you - go fuck yourself.

And no, I’m not going to sit down and shut up. No, I’m not going to lighten up. No, I won’t fucking take a joke.

I will speak up for myself, the woman I was lying on the floor, half beaten to death before I was raped and beaten more afterward. I will speak up for the young woman in this god forsaken metropolis found in a shallow grave on the side of the road and for all the other myriad women who have prayed, begged, plead their way through a rape, hoping against all odds that it wouldn’t turn into a murder or possibly that they wished the murder would come quickly to save them from the awful reality of what they were enduring.

13,491 likes and reblogs.

My faith in humanity is in question.

Cher

I am pretty sure I want to fucking vomit now but I feel like this is very, very important for people to see.

(via justanotherfangirlbutt-deactiva)

(Source: meme4u, via rdjmpreg666)

I get violent with these animals…

I get violent with these animals…

(Source: thepinkqueen, via buttermmilk)

spookycocks: doctorsassysteinbutt: lychgate: weeaboo-chan: IS THAT JIM CARREY HIS NECK IS FREAKING ME OUT jimcarry what is wrong with your neck oh my fucking god. um Obvious photoshopped image is way too obvious.

spookycocks:

doctorsassysteinbutt:

lychgate:

weeaboo-chan:

IS THAT JIM CARREY

HIS NECK IS FREAKING ME OUT

jimcarry what is wrong with your neck oh my fucking god.

um

Obvious photoshopped image is way too obvious.

(via drvantochs)

[video]

-sugarchan: filled with extreme WANT right now.

-sugarchan:

filled with extreme WANT right now.

(Source: starfizz, via milkyderp)

barackfuckingobama: awkwardstandinglewiskennedy: Airline screwed up, a friend just posted this on Facebook. - Imgur Best. flight. ever.

barackfuckingobama:

awkwardstandinglewiskennedy:

Airline screwed up, a friend just posted this on Facebook. - Imgur

Best. flight. ever.

(via nux-walpurgis)

kristmas: can-you-feel-the-sunshine: beccatheb: bajsherre: spacestepmom: rubitrightintomyeyes: arachnidress: What are you? Best friends with Gordon Freeman aw yeeaah I killed Caroline. Locked in a room with the Adventure Core im I went to space with GLaDOS. I think I’d be pretty fucked. DUUDEI DANCED NAKED WITH A HEADCRAB Married to Wheatley. HOHOH! I put P-body in charge of Aperture. P-body knows what’s up. I stand by this decision. Kill Wallace Breen.*insert smug bitch face here*

kristmas:

can-you-feel-the-sunshine:

beccatheb:

bajsherre:

spacestepmom:

rubitrightintomyeyes:

arachnidress:

What are you?

Best friends with Gordon Freeman aw yeeaah

I killed Caroline.

Locked in a room with the Adventure Core

im

I went to space with GLaDOS.

I think I’d be pretty fucked.

DUUDE
I DANCED NAKED WITH A HEADCRAB

Married to Wheatley.

HOHOH!

I put P-body in charge of Aperture.

P-body knows what’s up. I stand by this decision.

Kill Wallace Breen.
*insert smug bitch face here*

(Source: ampullae, via cadaverfestival)